Copyright c 1992 by Nicholas Johnson
Iowa City Press-Citizen, Monday, November 23, 1992, p. 6D

Aggressive strategy needed to end junk phone calls


"Telemarketing" is what the industry calls it.  Junk phone (like junk mail)
is what I call it.  And I don't mean faxes.  That's another story.

This is just plain, old fashioned "voice phone," as it's now called.  These
are the folks who are paid to call perfect strangers away from the dinner
table, hook them into conversation, and then deliver the sales pitch. 
Surely they've called you, too.

Actually, the technology has now so improved that these firms don't really
need humans.  The black box is called a "blab-o-matic," and it can call
1500 listed and unlisted phone numbers a day without a coffee break. 
The FCC has recently issued some regulations under the Telephone
Consumer Protection Act of 1991.  They have limited the use of these
computerized sales persons -- but not by much.

Years ago I used to respond by politely listening them out, trying to
engage them in rational conversation, and even, rarely but occasionally,
buying their wares.

No longer.  A more forceful response has become a matter of
self-defense.

My defense strategy has evolved.  Stage one:  "I'm sorry, but we do not
buy anything from telemarketers.  If you would like to send us some
literature about your (organization/proposal/product) we would be happy
to give you a mailing address."  Some would mail, most wouldn't.

But the calls continued.  So a few weeks later we entered stage two: 
"Before you continue, you might want to make a note of the fact that we
not only do not buy from telemarketers, but we boycott all
(products/appeals/proposals) from firms that use telemarketing."  Soon
there were somewhat fewer calls, but they did not stop entirely.

This led to stage three (the current strategy), which begins as soon as they
announce themselves:  "Well, I'm certainly glad you called today, and
you'll be glad, too, when you hear what I have for you.  Normally we
charge $10 for each telemarketing call received at this number.  But you
just happened to call during our (fall/winter/spring/ summer) special week. 
If you sign up before (tomorrow/the end of this week) you can buy an
annual account for only $100 that entitles you to call us as much as you'd
like for twelve full months.  How does that sound?  Pretty good deal,
huh?  I knew you'd like it.  Now if you'll just give me your Visa number
I'll be happy to open your account for you and you can continue with
your call."

No longer do I need to hang up on telemarketers.  They hang up on me. 
In fact, they seldom if ever call anymore.  I'm beginning to feel like the
Maytag repair man.  I've even gone through entire, leisurely evening
meals without once being called to the phone.

Television stations sell you and me to advertisers at a "cost per thousand"
viewers.  So do direct mail and telemarketing firms.  There is a value
associated with the ability to give us a sales pitch.

Since the advertiser has to pay the telemarketing person to talk to you,
why should it not have to pay you to listen?  Seems reasonable to me.  I
just can't get anyone to sign up.  Maybe I need some better marketing
strategy.  A "prices slashed" sale?  A yellow pages ad?  Hey, I got it,
what I need is a good, aggressive telemarketing firm.
________________________
Nicholas Johnson, a former member of the Federal Communications
Commission, teaches law and sits by his phone in Iowa City.

*** Copyright c 1992 by Nicholas Johnson.  Conditions:  This material is
copyright by Nicholas Johnson.  However, permission is hereby granted to 
download, copy and distribute the text to others if (1) the text is not
altered, and (2) there is no charge to the recipient, and (3) this copyright
notice and conditions are attached.  It is a copyright violation to distribute
this material altered, or without the copyright notice and conditions
attached, or to use the material in any way for which remuneration is
received without the prior permission of Nicholas Johnson.  Contact: 
1035393@mcimail.com; Box 1876 Iowa City IA 52244; 319-337-5555. 
***

END OF FILE