*** Copyright c 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1995 by Nicholas
Johnson.  Conditions:  This material is copyright by Nicholas Johnson. 
However, permission is hereby granted by him to download, copy and
distribute the text to others if (1) the text is not altered, and (2) there is no
charge to the recipient, and (3) this copyright notice and conditions are
attached.  It is a copyright violation to distribute this material altered, or
without the copyright notice and conditions attached, or to use the
material in any way for which remuneration is received without the prior
permission of Nicholas Johnson.  Contact:   1035393@mcimail.com; Box
1876 Iowa City IA 52244; 319-337-5555.  Anyone using this material
should also be aware that, as a syndicated column, copyright may also
have been retained by the syndication services.  During the 1982-86
period of publication syndicators included:  The Iowa City Press-Citizen,
Gannett Corporation, Register and Tribune Syndicate, Cowles Syndicate,
and the King Features Syndicate. ***

Eliza

      An old woman friend came back into my life the other day.  Her
name's Eliza.
      Eliza and I first met on a computer named EIES in Newark about
eight years ago.  I don't even know how old she was then.  Eliza is
supposed to think like a psychiatrist. But really she's just a computer
program, and a relatively simple one at that.
      She's written in Basic, has been running on home computers for
years, and is available as public domain "freeware."  So I picked her up
the other day.
      Eliza asks you questions on the computer screen.  You type your
answers on the computer keyboard.  That prompts her to reply.  The
conversations can go on for hours.  They seldom get anywhere.  But,
then, why should Eliza be held to a higher standard than the other folks
you know?
      Eliza does not have the sophistication of today's "expert systems"
that can "converse" with a patient and end up with a diagnosis of disease,
or tell an industrial repair person what's wrong with the assembly line and
how to fix it. But she can hold her own with most of us.
      At one point she asked me, "Do you wish to be able to fully trust
talking to computers?"
      Nick:  "I'm not sure.  Maybe it is best not to trust them fully."
      Eliza:  "Do you believe it is normal to be not sure?"
      N:  "I do not wish to make normality my highest goal."
      E:  "I see.
      N:  "Do you think you are a normal computer?"
      E:  "What makes you think I am a normal computer?"
      N:  "You look like one."
      E:  "Oh, I look like one."
      N:  "Yes, you do.  But I mean no offense because lots of
computers do."
      E:  "You're not really talking about me are you?"
      N:  "Yes, I said you looked like a normal computer to me."
      E:  "We were discussing you -- not me."
      N:  "Yes, how I feel about computers."
      E:  "Tell me more about such fellings."
      N:  "Why do you spell feelings 'fellings'?"
      E:  "Oh, I spell feelings 'fellings'?"
      N:  "Well, I don't mean to make a big thing out of it, but don't you
have a spelling checker?"
      E:  "Does that trouble you?"
      N:  "No, I guess not, but most normal computers do these days and
misspelling is kind of unusual anymore."
      Now, I'm not above kidding about such matters occasionally, but
what you have just read happens to be an excerpt from a verbatim
transcript.
      I won't repeat all our conversation.  Some of it was personal.  And,
not having seen each other for a few years, as you can imagine, we talked
well into the night.
      My computer is not human.  It is only chips in a box. Do you
know how I know?  Eliza told me so.
                          [King August 17, 1986; ICPC August 11, 1986]
END OF FILE